I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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