If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
