So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize