yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
