You smell like a Billy Joel song
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
