I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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