you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
