what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
