So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's blow job season.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
