Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
this is an emotional support booty call
Randomize