I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
porn star boner night. come get it.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
