let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
