They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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