a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
