he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I have surprise drugs for everyone
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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