Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
