Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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