The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
