i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
