You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
