haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
