Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
