the day after is always just damage control
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize