my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
