I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
