my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Who died my cat blue again?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
