my soul wont recognize me after tonight
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
