I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We need to get me chipped asap
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
