If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
