Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize