my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
