i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
