I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
