You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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