yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
only you would photoshop your dick
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
