So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
