you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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