Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
