Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I have demons in me.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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