I just pynch a tree in the face
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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