K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
