I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
