K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Vodka?
Forever.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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