Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I skipped work to stalk him.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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