you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
