Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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