I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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