Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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