you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
