i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
