I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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