He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize