Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize