You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
