Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It's rum buckets o'clock
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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