he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
