Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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