so explain again why im purple
no
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I have feelings that need drinking.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
