oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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