I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize