fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
