Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
