She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
foreskin is a definite game changer
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
