shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
