we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
