bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
