I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
