Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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