Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
