Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
