And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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